


I Married a Vampire

by racesgirl2000



Category: Mona the Vampire
Genre: F/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-08-20 01:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8231893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/racesgirl2000/pseuds/racesgirl2000
Summary: This is a script where Mona Parker finally marries tough guy George Jamell





	1. Chapter 1

George Jamell and Mona Parker are eating where they went for their very first date... Lugia's Pasta and Pizza.

GOERGE: Mona, this is wonderful!

MONA: Oh George, I know! I'm so happy tonight.

GEORGE: Y'know, living an this town house these past few years... I think it's time to take the next step in life.

MONA: You're not getting bored with things are you?!

GEORGE: No... um, maybe you could just check what is waiting for you under the table.

MONA: Is it kinky?!

GEORGE: I don't think so, but you'll be surprised what is waiting for you.

MONA: It's okay if you wanna add more spicy-ness to our relationship!

GEORGE: Then check what's under!

George checked his phone to see what time it was, and forgot that his background was a picture of Mona.

GEORGE: ...crap...

MONA: Okay, I'll check!

GEORGE: Um, wait!

MONA: George... I found this ring on the floor, is it yours?

GEORGE: Yeah, Mona, that's what I meant!

The owner Luigi comes over.

GEORGE: Mona Jane Parker, will you marry me?

MONA: George Wyman Jamell, I will marry you!


	2. Chapter 2

George is in the shower. Mona knocks on the door.

GEORGE: Yeah?!

MONA: George, what are you doing in there?

GEORGE: Um... I'm singing!

MONA: Doesn't sound like it. Are you washing your hair again?

GEORGE: Hell yeah! Plus my wiener's still sore from that time when Charlie twerked against me as a joke and because of that, we had to postpone our damn wedding by four months!

MONA: Well, you know how I am around tequila!

GEORGE: Yeah, let me just finish up-

MONA: So you're washing your hair...

GEORGE: YEAH! & I'm also, uh, mean singing! Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on, Livin' like a lover with a radar phone, Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp, Demolition woman, can I be your man?

Twenty minutes later.

GEORGE: Mother, mother, tell your children, Their time has just begun, I have suffered for my anger, These wars can't be won!

Ten minutes later.

GEORGE: Hiawatha didn't bother too much 'Bout Minnie Ha-Ha and her tender touch Till she took him to the silver stream  
Then she whispered words like he had never heard  
That made him all shudder inside when she said!

MONA: For God's sake, George, you've been in there for an hour, you think you would've finished washing your hair by now?!

GEORGE: Oh... I stopped when I was singing. Lemme just finish it up!

Forty minutes later. George is out of the shower and they are on their way to the airport.

GEORGE: Let's go!

They arrive at the airport.


	3. Chapter 3

George and Mona walk into the air port.

Charlie: Hiyah!

George: Boney Prince Charlie, how are ya!

Charlie: We're fine & we hear you guys got engaged!

George: Not this crap again.

Mona: For God's sake.

Lily comes walking up.

George: What happened this time?

Lily: God, you don't even wanna know.

George: That's a little harsh, man...

Lily: Pipe down, you jackass!

Mona: George, go get our tickets, we're gonna go have a drink or two!

Lily: You too, Charlie, go get our tickets and you can pay this time for giving me a cream pie.

Charlie: Oh crap.

Charlie and George walk to the line. There are 412 people in the same line because the one line is malfunctioning so they cannot use that line.

Four hours later they are finally at the front of the line.

Charlie: Hiyah!

Lady: Hello, what flight may I book you for?

Charlie: London, England!

Lady: Excuse me, sir?

George: I'll handle this. Hi, seven for London, England. Flight 263.

Lady: Alright, that'll be $4167.19.

George: WHAT! Yo, Charlie, want me to get it?

Charlie: Sure!

George pays the lady and gets the tickets. They walk to the door as they see Mona's mom Veronica and Deputy Inspector David Halcroft.

George: Yo, Croftie, how's retirement going?

Halcroft: It's going good. I just opened a detective agency so I don't get bored of sitting on my fat ass all day.

George: Cock a doodle damn, that's awesome.

George thinks to himself that why couldn't he just pay for the tickets.

Veronica: Hey, kids.

Mona: Mom, you look great!

The whole gang are boarding the plane when Laurence, Lucie and Dottie finally showed up and got in.


	4. Chapter 4

They board the plane.

Charlie has to sit between a guy who looks like Homer Simpson, George has to sit beside a Rolling Stones tribute act, Mona and Lily get to sit beside Will from Glee, Veronica and David have to sit together, Laurence and Dottie have sit beside the guys from Two and a Half Men and Lucie has to sit beside Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga: LOL, you two look just like each other!

George: What?! No we don't!

Mick Jagger lookalike: Yeah, we do, man. Hows yer sexy life treating ya?

George: Well...

Story is told.

Keith Richards lookalike: & I thought my ex was a total bitch!

George: Dude, tell me about it!

Charlie Watts lookalike: Once you get him laughing like that, he won't stop.

George: Damn it!

The flight attendant has an announcement.

Sexy bitch attendant: Okay everyone! We have two special guests joining us today! The Rolling Stones!

Ronnie Wood lookalike: Hey, guys, we're gonna play a future hit of ours called Doom and Gloom so get ready to rock.

George: I'm in.

Will from Glee: Oh my God, I gotta do a Rolling Stones week when I get back to Lima.

Mona and Lily: Sure.

George: Hey, I look like Mick Jagger! 

Meanwhile, Charlie is in between Charlie and Alan Harper. They were fighting over a bucket of KFC.

Charlie H: HEY ALAN!!! I GET THE FREAKING LAST FOUR PIECES!

Alan: CHARLIE, STOP FREAKING BETRAYING ME I'M ON YOUR TEAM! STOPP!!! STOOOOOOOOOPPPPPP!!!

Charlie B: Are you talking to me?

Alan: No, my brother's also called Charlie.

Charlie B: Oh.

George: What the hell, seriously!

Veronica: This is a very unpleasant plane ride.

The plane ride is over, they all get off the plane.

George: That was such a kick ass plane ride... I met a Rolling Stones tribute act.

Mona: ...LOL! Charlie Harper's super hot, George!

George: Mona... please shut up, that's our secret.

Mona: Everyone! I call Georgie Porgie in bed!

George sighs in disbelief.

Veronica: Charlie, what happened?!

Charlie: I thought I was gonna meet a Beatles tribute act.

Halcroft: The Rolling Stones are better.

Announcer from airport: WELCOME TO LONDON, BITCHES!


	5. Chapter 5

George: Coolos.

Charlie: You said it.

George: Everyone here?

They all meet and then head for the hotel.

AT THE HOTEL.

George goes up to the desk to book three rooms.

George: Hi, I'm here to book three rooms.

Lauren Cooper: Am I bovvered?

George: Suites.

Lauren: Am I bovvered though?

George: I'll get the three suites on the penthouse suite.

Lauren: Whatevs, mates.

George: Wait, what?!

Lauren: Whatever, I ain't bovvered.

George: Um alright...

Halcroft accidentally pukes to the fountain.

Mona: Oh, you're so totally gross!

Lily: I'll kick your wiener up your ass, David.

Halcroft: SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCHES, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Lauren comes back with her supervisor who happens to be the 10th Doctor Who.

10th Doctor: Hello, what do you people need?

George: Three suites on the penthouse.

10th Doctor: Yes, sir, get over here! To do this, you need to use this sonic screwdriver to cooperate with the axis of the suites.

George: Dude, what the hell did you just even say?!

10th Doctor: Look, sir, this is no concern the average American unless it's Professor Jules Brown.

George: Umm... alright...

George gets the room keys which happened to come in cards in this London hotel.

George: Alright guys, I got the key cards! Here's for me and Mona.

Mona grabs it and walks to the room like a very stuck up bitch.

George: Here's for Charlie and Lily.

Lily: Thanks, George.

Lily grabs the card and started walking to the room.

George: Here's for Laurence, Dottie and Lucie.

Dottie: George, why do we have to bunk with Laurence?

George: C'mon, Dottie... make it my wedding present!

Lucie: Ugh, alright, God, fine.

George's cell phone rings.

George: Hello?

Mona: Me and the girls are having a girls night out so you can try and get it off with a Drew Barrymore lookalike tonight because I'm gonna have some fun!

George: Say what?

Mona hangs up.

George: Okay guys, let's hit the bar!

They go to the bar known as the Resident Metal Devil which is loosely based upon Futurama and Thunderbirds as if they had merged.

George: This is nice!

Laurence: Yeah, it really is! I'm getting us some Cherry colas.

Charlie: Count me in.

Laurence: Hell yeah, boy.

George, Charlie, Laurence and Halcroft sit down at a table.

George: Nice! The Only Way is Essex is on!

Five minutes later.

George: YEAAAAH! MARK GOT IT OFF WITH AMY. KICK ASS!

Halcroft: Nice!

Charlie: I'm more of a Beatles fan anyways.

George: The Rolling Stones are way better!


	6. Chapter 6

George: I don't think I've ever been this wasted!

Charlie: Damn, man, neither have I.

Laurence walks in the room.

Laurence: Holy crap.

George: You said it and where did you come from?

Laurence: Well, we had good nights, Giorgio, you wouldn't even remember.

George: Well, no crap... But why are you here?

Laurence: Me an' the girls all needed a place to stay and have sex, you had some fun with us, man!

George: What are you talking about?

Vicky Pollard walked out of the bedroom.

Vicky Pollard: Oh my God! You look like Johnny sodding Depp and bloody hell, was it amazing!

George: I'm pretty sure I'm taller and better looking than that guy?

Vicky: Nope, we measured you last night, you and Laurence went side by side and you know he looks like my last boyfriend who's well gonna get beatings if I meet him again!

George: Could this day get any worse?

Charlie: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!

Halcroft: Well, something happened to us. But I can't put my finger on it.

Laurence: Oh, my head.... what happened???

Vicky: You don't remember? Oh my God, that's so well out of order 'cos I ain't done nothing or nothing and if I get another baby, you're well gonna get beatings.

Laurence: Does it look like I remember?

Vicky: No but yeah but no but yeah but no, your wiener looks like Usher's which well took me two hours and you still couldn't get up so I asked Charlie Harper or something or nothing had to get it off with me instead and then after that, you well sky rocketed to the roof and hit your head on the extremely sharp fan.

Laurence: And that would explain why my head's pounding! GOD'S SAKES!

George: This all makes no sense to me, where's Charlie?

Charlie: I'm behind you, dumbass.

George receives a call on his cell phone, the most kick ass ringtone comes on. It's the Iron Weasel song Pretty Bitter/Kitty Litter.

George: Hello?

Voice on phone: If you want to know the whereabouts of that vase your father thought he lost when you were in 4th Grade, meet me at this location.

While in the background, Charlie and Laurence are talking.

Charlie: Bro, did you get it off with that girl?

Laurence: Honestly, man... I don't recall a thing. All I thought we were drinking were a few beers and some shots?

Charlie: That's what the plan was.

Laurence: I knew I drank my ass off, sick of this crap with Dottie and Lucie. Haven't seen those bitches all day and I'm horny as hell!

Back to George.

George: We'll meet you there! C'mon, guys!

Charlie and Laurence: Alright!

Halcroft: Where do we go?

George: You get the hell out of here, Lieutenant! This NEVER happened!

Halcroft: Gotcha!


	7. Chapter 7

George, Charlie and Laurence run out of the hotel and call for a taxi.

George: HEY! TAXI!!!

The taxi pulls over.

Taxi driver: Hello?

George: Get us to um, whatever the hell this address is? 42a Wyresdale Crescent...

Taxi driver: Why I do that?

Charlie: Cause it's your job, damnit!

Taxi driver: Naw, we 'ere in London have rights to drive so kiss my butt!

Laurence: Oh, I got your mom to do that for me. Tell her to kiss my ass, bitch!

Taxi driver: Okay, mate, you come with me and we'll duel, I will call your mates if you lose, you lot wait 'ere!

George: Um, whatever?

Laurence: Damn, George!

Laurence jumps in the car and they drive down the street.

George: What the hell do we do to kill time?

Charlie: We could play a game.

George: We're not hearing you sing David Bowie songs.

Charlie: You know, I would've loved if you did but I honestly didn't mean that- I swear!

George: Whatever, dumbass.

Charlie: Okay then? Let's play who am I?

George: You go first then.

Charlie: We have sex with sheep, who am I?

George: OH, people from Wales!

Charlie: YEP! Your turn.

Laurence comes driving up in the car.

George: What the hell? You won??

Laurence: Yep! The duel was breakdancing, what a jackass! And I made it more interesting, if I won, I got to make out with his wife and if he won, he got to "make out with my girl", ahahaha!

Charlie: Is that why you bought Dottie and Lucie?

Laurence: I just said you were my girlfriend!

Charlie: Oh you bitch!

George: And so you made out with her?

Laurence: Eww, God no, she looked like Connie from Family Guy but actually yeah, I did make out with her and it was hot. This is how it went...

George: DAMN! YOU LASTED EIGHT FREAKING SECONDS?

Laurence: Would've been longer but I didn't want to make you bitches wait!

George: Dude, we could've waited, we want Charlie to get some British boobs!

Laurence: Funny thing is I barfed in her mouth.

Charlie: But how did you manage to last only eight seconds?

Laurence: Well, when I was a little boy... I sort of had this problem, and it's not even that big of a deal. I would sort of... lie around all day and draw pictures of Mona.

George: What?!

Laurence: I'd draw pictures of Mona. Miss Gotto found the Mona drawings in my locker and reported me to Principal Shawbly. It turns out the guy was some sort of religious fanatic and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of Lord Flashheart. Then my parents have me see some therapist and he asked me all these chick questions! They literally made me stop eating food shaped like boobs, you know how many foods are shaped like boobs? THE BEST KINDS!

George: That doesn't answer our question...

Laurence: Then the moment of wonder. The therapist had inserted me with this hypo crap that made it so I can have any ho I wanted on command, so if I wanted, I could barf on you guys whenever I wanted.

George: That's screwed, man.

Laurence: Yep, well hop in! We're off to get that vase!


	8. Chapter 8

George, Charlie and Laurence arrive at the address where the vase is supposed to be.

George: This is the place. Better be damn worth it.

Laurence: What better be?

George: Honestly, I have no idea. I don't even know what I just said.

They all jump out of the car and are ambushed by women in pink suits.

George: AW CRAP!

They are all tied to chairs.

Leader: Hehehe, so you like to play Castlevania?

George: What the hell?! I didn't expect that!

The person with the hood removes it and shows her face, it's Angela.

George: Cock a doodle damn.

Angela: You boys are such jackasses. Why would you betray moi for that bitch Mona?

George: Maybe because you're the psycho bitch.

Angela: Oh yeah, well, jackass, I've made a deal with the Britgirl mafia.

Laurence: What the hell's that?

Angela: British female mobsters are better than American female mobsters and that includes my Jimmy's bitchy cousin Adele.

George: What the hell are you talking about?

Angela: SILENCE! I am a huge fan of Camilla Diamond and her crew and I won't have boys like you screwing me over. I had a crappy childhood.

George: That's funny because I had an awesome childhood. And we all had the same childhood. Why was yours so bad?

Angela: YOU DON'T REMEMBER, DO YOU?

George: No, not really... 

Angela: It all started when you started dating Miss Vampire in 5th Grade...

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Angela: And that is why I have jail farts.

George: Kay, what? I asked why you had a crappy childhood.

Angela: Oh, well, guys like Laurence are always ignoring me. God, it was such a crazy childhood. Now my father apparently resides in the Arkwright Asylum for the mentally Challenged.

George: And what is that?

Angela: Dunno, name makes no sense. Anyways, point is, I want to come to your wedding!

George: Oh my God, fine!

Angela: YES! But first, I'll only untie you if you take me to the hotel suite.

George: Why would I do that?

Angela: Isn't there anything you and everyone else forgot about?

George, Charlie and Laurence: NO!

Angela: Come with me.

Angela unties them and they drive to the hotel suite.

Angela: Wait right here.

George: Whatever.

Angela runs inside. She comes out an hour later with Vicky.

George: Who the hell is that?

Angela: It's Vicky Pollard, dumbass, you forgot her here.

Laurence: Oh yeah.......

Charlie: You're sick, Angela.

George: I think the word you're looking for is mentally disturbed, Charlie.

Charlie: Great, now you tell me!

Laurence: Oh, I remember when you even grabbed Lucie's ass and you thought she was Lily.

Charlie: FOR GOD'S SAKE! SHUT THE HELL UP, WE WERE IN 11TH GRADE!

Angela hauls Charlie out of the car and he goes upstairs with Vicky.

George: Dude, how long will this take?

Laurence: Who knows.

Charlie and Vicky arrive in the bedroom, and before you know it, both are in the bed.

Charlie: Lily's gonna kill me.

Vicky: Oh my God, you're so well out of order cause I've had men that are well bigger than you so shut up & don't be giving me evils.

Charlie: Fine, I'll shut up! Well, Vicky, I'll let you go! I'm going to run off, gotta catch up with my friends!

Charlie runs outside to the car.

George: What the hell took you so long?

Charlie: God no, this one went way to fast! But anyways, where to next?

George: I just got a text from Mona, she's at a nightclub in Romford, let's go!

Charlie hops in the car.


	9. Chapter 9

When they get to the nightclub, Eric Catchpole (who looks like how he did in Lovejoy) shows Charlie, George and Laurence a secret entrance behind a rock. 

Eric: Looks like the old warp pipe still works. Come on.

Angela: Not so fast, George Wyman.

George: Oh crap, not you gals again.

Angela and her mob bitches have returned! They have perused the boys for the sole purpose of tricking George into getting that old vase. Now they have an even fight though which would lead to problems.

Redhead in pink suit: Nobody believed us when we said you were a bum face! They just laughed at us calling us bitches?

Charlie: Yeah, Red, you are a bitch.

Black woman in pink suit: Us? Bitches?! As if, dog breath. Now prepare to be owned!

Laurence: Come on! Let’s charge this up and get them! The special variation of the move always wins!

They charge their attack up once again and then put a literal twist on it. Instead of an individual attack, their special move was a launch attack at the whole party. As first it nicked them until Angela jumps at George and a Mona sized hand grabs her ankle.

Mona: Guess who, Angela.

George: Gals, we knew you'd come.

Lily: Now's our chance! Sorry, bitch. (Shell spins Angela causing her to fall to the floor)

Dottie: Suck this, you Limey loser. (Hits the redhead causing her to fall on top of Angela)

Lucie: Taste the real cool power of the hammers! (Smashes her fists into a brunette in a pink suit causing the same fate)

George: Hmmm, kind of ironic that we're taking out Angie baby over here. (Walks over to Angela)

Mona: Yeah, thank God we never have to deal with her again.

They all jump in and land in a tunnel. After crawling through the tunnel, Eric pushes a button that turns the wall around. They land in a bizarre looking dining room. The dining room had an old clock in it, a large table and a large fireplace but then, George spots something over by the fireplace.

George: What the? Oh my God. Dude, it's the vase my dad thought he lost when we were in 4th Grade.

Eric: Lovejoy told me it is.

Mona: Enough crappy Lovejoy references! Now let's go.

Dottie: Get me out of here! 

They all walk down the hall and hear an ear shattering scream. A vibrant sound of wheels is heard from behind it. She breaks the door down only to find the wall closed in. 

The gang are all in a strange situation. Rather than enemies surrounding them, they walk into a room filled with traps! The room is filled with holes in the floor, has no windows, has a lit fireplace at the end of it and had a wooden framing as the wall. One step could mean disaster. The traps range from swinging axes to grenades but what is really strange was a thing across the room. They couldn't see the thing but they head towards it now knowing about the traps.

Eric: Wait! Don’t take another step!

Others: Huh?

Eric: Look! 

George is standing near a trip mine. Then he takes a better look around the room and saw TONS of hidden booby traps. He feels sick to his stomach. One step and they would all be blown to smithereens.

George: Stay there, I'll be back

Mona: Wait! Don't leave me!

George turns into a wolf and leaps across the traps, runs through fields of explosives, dodges the axes and makes it to the end and the others are so happy.

Wolf George: Catch this!

George jumps onto one of the axes on the end and pulls the chain right off and then swings it across the room and pulls the others away from the mine. Then BAM! It blows up and they all whizz past the axes, the other ground mines, the pitfalls and the booby traps.

Charlie: We don't call you the Wolfman for nothing.

Wolf George: Don't worry, it's no big deal. Booby traps are a common thing if you're fighting in a war but we've never seen this section of an antiques though.

Eric: Hey, what's that?

Lily: It's a switch. Wanna press it?

Eric: I don't know if it's a good idea.

Mona: Okay, let's press it together. 

They press and……….the Wall moves! Inward, that is. 

Dottie: It's a secret passage! Let's go!

(George turns back into human form)

Suddenly, Angela and her gang raise their guns and start shooting at the gang so the girls start shooting back before Angela points her gun at Mona.

Angela: I should've killed you a while ago but now, I'm going to do it slowly!

Mona: GEORGE!

Angela: No mercy this time, you vampire bitch!

George: Wait! That's stupid. We're due to get hitched soon!

Suddenly, Eric grabs Angela's gun out of her and points it at her.

Eric: Sorry, I don't usually point guns at girls but you're a crazy bitch.


	10. Chapter 10

Angela is confused all of a sudden.

Angela: You're the crazy one.

Eric: (Under his breath) Thanks a lot, Lovejoy.

Angela: I'll get you all and kill you ALL! 

Mona: We'll be fine eventually but we've all gotta get out of here safely first and then, we can...

She is interrupted by a loud crash.

George: No! The club's been locked down.

Angela: You bet it has!

Charlie: You followed us!

Angela: What do you expect?!!! You all called me crazy and now, you're gonna pay!

Angela then mutters some weird stuff and grows to tremendous size! Everyone runs for their lives but she is too big and soon approaches the people with her threatening size. 

Laurence: Run! Run for your lives!

Angela starts chasing them through Romford and at her super size, she knocks over buildings trying to reach them.

Angela: You're all gonna pay.

But then something miraculous happens. It's….the stars of Power! Everything goes into slow motion except Charlie except his star powers so Charlie rises and a tremendous power comes from Charlie into Angela. Beams of pure white color shoots out of Charlie's hands while he's incessantly flashing. It's shocking and Angela goes back to her normal size.

Eric: Wow! What the hell was that?

Lucie: Hey! I remembered an old story when witnessing that! It's a continuation to a legend where 7 stars of power assist a hero in his quest. They didn't assist much but when they did, it was more than a big help. Apparently, it's also based on some 80s sci fi movie.

Lily: I've heard that story too! I never thought about it here.

Mona: Thanks, Eric.

Suddenly, the place fills with officers and they all think they're doomed! Angela and her gang are all arrested so Detective Superintendent Sandra Pullman walks over to them.

Sandra: Angela Smith, I'm arresting you for smuggling and counterfeit. Thank God for that.

Others: What?

Sandra: 2 years ago, Camilla Diamond had her Essex counterpart Donna Starr rule this part of Essex. It caused anyone to be her assistants. That's why every officer you came across, Eric, just walked around. Not an ounce of intelligence but it's over now! It's now truly over. Angela's going to prison even though she's an American citizen, right?

Eric: Yeah, Sandra, she's from Villa Park, Illinois.

George: That's near Chicago and we're alive.

Mona: Thank God!

Charlie: No, thank you, Mona, you're a real hero.

Lily: We've got a wedding to plan and to do something special for you guys.

Sandra: Throw a party and bake a cake!

Everyone laughs.

Laurence: Well, it's good that it's all over. Let's go, y'all.

Angela: I will escape and vengeance will be mine!


	11. Chapter 11

It's later in the day when the gang go back to the hotel were Ronnie and Halcroft are waiting for them with George's sister Lottie, their Southern twin cousins Lance and Claire and George's pal Josh. It's getting dark and the staff are assuming their position. After all, a night attack on the hotel would be disastrous.

Lottie: George, there you guys are. I came by when I heard what happened.

George: Calm down, sis, I'm okay.

Lance: Oh my God, George, we're so glad you're still alive!

Claire: Need backup next time? Tell us! (Hugs George)

Josh: That was a close one from what we heard. Did you get the vase?

Charlie: Oh you bet. Angela's probably gonna get about 2 or 3 years in jail.

Halcroft: Great work gang. That vase is going back to Villa Park when we get back.

Ronnie: That's a brilliant idea but what are you going to do? Tell the Jamells the truth?

Halcroft: Yep.

Mona: You do realize this is getting old. You know we've got a damn wedding to plan. Lily, could you and Lottie get my dress done by Saturday?

Lily: Sure thing, Mona.

Lottie: We're on it, sister in law.

Laurence: Good for you, George, the best dude won!

George: Thanks, buddy, you were right when you said the best dude won.

Charlie: (Rolling his eyes) For God's sake, I don't believe this.

It is now Saturday and all of George and Mona's friends and families are there.Everyone's there except Mona and Lily who are probably driving on their way to the church. At the altar is Father Dougal McGuire from Father Ted.

Dr Jamell: Kevin, I think George might make a run for it. He's eyeing the exits and doing calf stretches.

Mr Jamell: Don't worry, I've got a man on the perimeter.

Lance: (on a walkie talkie) Cowboy one to fat load.

Mr Jamell: (talking into his walkie talkie) This is fat load, I'd like to request a new code name.

Lance: (on a walkie talkie) Denied.

Mr Jamell: (talking into his walkie talkie) Okay, fat load here.

We are outside the church as Lance is up a tree and Lily's Porsche Dion driving up to the church and Lily, who is in a yellow bridesmaid's dress and Mona, who is in a red strapless wedding dress step out of the car.

Lance: (talking into his walkie talkie) Here comes the bride. Repeat. Here comes the bride.

Lily: Mona, You look awesome.

Mona: Thanks, Lily, let's go.

Both girls are joined by Lance and they all go into the church and the Rolling Stones tribute act play a rock version of the Wedding March.

Charlie: Hey, George. Ready to take the plunge? You know I'm not.

George: You bet your ass I'm ready, Charlie boy. (Sees Mona finally approaching him) Well, this is it, Mona. As the rock band Rainbow said, I surrender.

Father Dougal: We are gathered together today to join George Wyman Jamell and Mona Jane Parker in holy matrimony. Does anyone present know any reason why these two should not be wed?

There is silence in the church so Dougal decides to go ahead)

Father Dougal: Good. Do you, Mona Jane Parker take George Wyman Jamell to be your lawful wedded husband?

Mona: I do.

Father Dougal: Do you, George Wyman Jamell take Mona Jane Parker to be your lawful wedded wife?

George: I do.

Father Dougal: By the power vested in me by God and the state of Illinois, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Both kiss and everyone cheers.

Ronnie: (crying a bit) I wish Lenny was here to see this.

Halcroft: You should be happy for Mona.

Ronnie: I am.

THE END


End file.
